Lucius - Thousand Year Old Vampire - Part 4

5.1 Guilt tore at me. The scene from my brother’s house played out over and over as a horrible vivid dream. I should have been more humble when we met, and thought about what I’d say. He had no reason to suspect me from the start. I was insecure and panicked. I have to learn control.

Over the coming days I thought that I’d killed Quintus. The knowledge that I’d turned him would come later. While feeling guilt over what I’d done to Quintus and his son. I also thought about Quintus and Fabia’s daughter who had ran off. What would she do now? Would she be able to survive in this world alone?

Who would she tell about me? She was family, still she scared me. What would happen if she started to spread the word about me? Would people come hunting me? Would they blame Aulus for protecting me? Would he be safe from their wrath?

The memory of Quintus vinegar tasting blood was also on my mind. Even days later I still had the taste stuck in my mouth. I’d tried scraping my tongue and rinsing with water. I couldn’t get rid of the foul taste.

A hundred times I’d gone through the mauling of my brother. Always it came back to the pegs. I think I could have handled him hitting me. But when he struck me so one of the pegs fell out, I lost it.

It’s clear that I was relying on them too much. I could be in situations where the scent of them had gone out and I had no more vinegar. Someone else could strike me in the same way as my brother had.

The problem was that instant loss of control. The panic that gripped me. It gave way to a fear that I would do something awful. Yes the more I thought about it, I found clarity. Those pegs were setting me up for failure.

After Aulus and I came home after playing one evening, I waited until he’d fallen a sleep. Then I removed the pegs and walked over to Aulus room. I stood there in the hallway and looked in. The scent of him soon came to me. In the dim light I could see the hair on my arms standing up.

That first night I had the pegs out for just an hour. The foul smell returned when I pressed them in again. Still it didn’t bother me. I could feel that it worked.

The pegs wasn’t how I’d gain control. No, I’d practise each night. Adding more time without the pegs each night. I could see that I’d soon be able to remove them out in public as well.

I wasn’t at that stage yet though. First I’d master the process in a controlled environment where I could just insert the pegs again if needed. With time perhaps my taste for wine would return. Even if I didn’t care much for that taste for now, it had to provide some sustenance.

I knew I’d need something soon. The hunger within me was growing. I played with the idea of finding someone that no one would miss, a criminal. Where I’d find a victim without harming anyone innocent I didn’t know.

Another thing that stopped those plans was that I feared that it would return me to square one. First I needed to gain control, once I had that I could decide when to feed and on whom to feed on.

As I progressed I started to leave the pegs in my room when walking over to Aulus at night. I’d alternate between staring at him and closing my eyes and just relying on smell. After a few nights I realized that the hunger came from both what I could see and what I could smell.

Alternating between sight and smell like this allowed me to gradually build up control. There were times I had to think about carpentry, or even the awful crimes that I’d done to my brother and his family, to still my desire. Other thoughts came unbidden too.

One thing that bothered me was that Aulus never asked how the meeting with my brother had gone. As if he knew, or didn’t want to know. Could it be that he thought that I’d gone to Quintus to remove any witnesses? I trusted Aulus, but still how far would it go before he let something slip and expose me to the world?

When Aulus drank and I was sober, I could see that happening. It might not even take much. The wrong word to someone who knows that people like me exist might be enough. I’d left the hallway a few nights ago. That night I stood in the middle of his room and watched him for five hours as he slept. He tended to snore while drunk.

The next night I’d even removed the pegs before Aulus fell asleep. I planned to stay in his room all night and only leave when he began to stir in the morning. Something was different that night though.

Standing there over him listening to his heartbeats I heard them changing. His heart beat faster, then faster still. He didn’t give any other sign, but then I knew. He was awake and knew that I was there, as a statue just beside his bed.

He didn’t cry out, he might have thought that I wouldn’t touch him. Earlier that evening I would have sworn that I’d never harm him. But that was before he woke up.

I reached down with my hand and placed it on his chest. I could feel his heart pounding. For a moment both he and I knew the truth. It’s a moment I wished could have lasted forever.

“I can’t let you expose me,” I whispered in his ear before I bit into him. His blood was beautiful. In an instant the blood cleansed that foul taste I’d had for days. I could never get enough of this. My entire body tingled.

For fourteen years I had loved Aulus as a friend, as a constant companion, as a musician, as a confidant and, as a brother.

For one night, I loved him as food.